The jealous person unconsciously want the couple to leave.
Bert Hellinger
German philosopher Bert Hellinger, in his book The love hidden symmetry, has an interesting explanation of the dynamics of jealousy, the jealous
unconscious desire that family leave.
From this view, the origin of conflicts a person is seen individually, but by a systematic order generated by your family history. According
Hellinger, some of the systemic unconscious dynamics that lead us to repel our partners are:
- To confirm an ancient belief that they deserve the love , for example, or that cause unhappiness. Some people are afraid of being abandoned and unconsciously, they depart from the partners. Create what are wary, as if the abandonment was preferable to voluntary separation.
- To be faithful to the beliefs and examples of family : acting as parents act when they could not fully accepted when separated or when one of them died in the beginning of a relationship.
- To operate an unconscious identification with another person harmed by the system . For example, a woman is not married because I had to take care of parents and elders. His young niece unconsciously identified with her and never married.
- To fulfill a personal obligation. An old man left his family to take on the current relationship. The second wife, very Enceladus wanted to leave too. In the helping relationship sincere and profound, clearly perceived that he was beholden to the first husband's family, solidarity with it. This is, in this case, the heat does not arise because of the acts of the husband, and if the secret recognition of his debt to the former partner.
Des-hide these dynamics, aware of our role in the family system, allow us to stop acting as an adjunct to certain conflicts. In other words, to understand how our personal history is tainted by the repetition of a generational conflict is not resolved, we decided not to repeat, re-defining our position in the family system.
The best way to reduce the intensity of jealousy is left to interpret it as a drama and begin to express and work as an experience of emotional suffering can be transformed (1).
which will need to be honest with yourself, and open with each other in a simple and sincere, because sincerity is in itself an antidote to the desire to manipulate and control the other. In talking with our partners on the experience of jealousy will no longer use our feelings as a weapon of defense or offense to keep our family under control.
jealousy If we use as a means of controlling your partner, eventually saw more and more of us. But it is important not to deny our feelings, to hide as we who naturally isolate us, causing an even greater evil, because the more we turn away, plus our jealousy tend to grow. It is best to seek help to improve our self-esteem and re-connect with the reality of who we really are: children of God created in His image and likeness.
The de-valuation of himself is one of the most important causes of intense jealousy. People who want to grow and develop, do not fear their emotional conflicts and know that from this, it is possible to advance the process of self-knowledge.
When we express our emotional experiences with the intention of deepening our relationships, cultivate sincerity and honesty, basic attitudes to grow healthy and mature love.
Personal Work
For those who feel that jealousy trap his life begins to perceive
-when and how they arise jealousy. Watch as he
-up data for scientific research, how you react when jealousy comes up. In doing so gradually no longer have to overreact, because watching you're learning yourself a healthy look, able to distinguish between imagination and reality.
[1] For further reading usher s reading "Transforming Our Feelings", Maria G. And Dr. Robert F. Buttera Ré, Editorial San Pablo 2008.
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